I am starting this blog at the suggestion of my daughter who during a difficult time in her life found blogging not only a tremendous support but also an avenue to get her thougths and feelings out and heard.
Let me begin by saying I am the youngest of 4 lost both parents before the age of 19, had 2 relationships that spanded over 38 year of my 60 years,2 wonderful children, a new beautiful granddaughter and two mutts from the pound. I work in the medical field have a good job, beautiful home yet since I turned 60 a little over 6 months ago I have been in a physical and emotional spiral.
It all started when I decided I needed to lose weight not much 20lbs and stopped taking the anti depressants meds I had been on for over 10 years. I have lost weight...over 23 lbs, but I have more questions, confusions and thoughts than ever before. I swear the medications flat lined me emotionally and physically and now the flood gates have opened.
Questions arise :
1. Like who will take care of me when I get older or if I got sick?( I live alone)
2. Do I have enought money to retire in 6 years?
3. What will I do if I don't work?
4. Do I want to get into another relationship after living alone for the last 5 years?
5. How to I stay a mom when the "kids" are now adults with families of their own?
6. Why all of a sudden I feel so alone?
7. Do I move to be closer to my duaghter and granddaughter and husband but leave me son, family and the city I love? Not to mention to an area of the country that I would never be able to own a home as I do now.
Confusions: Where is the spiritual base in my life and do I need a church to fulfill this
Why am I working in a well paying job that I don't enjoy and does not allow me to be me?
I have always been independent and strong and prayed for wisdon, now I feel needy and weak.
Thoughts, I have always been comfortable in who I am yet now my thoughts run to places I never knew , some exciting and others scary.
Is anyone out there who can relate to where I am? It's almost like what am I supposed to do next? I have alway run on high speed and pushed forward and now I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I am back on one of my antidepressants but the one medication that I feel was the most successful in keeping me flatlined my body is rejecting so the questions, thoughts and confusions are alive and well.I guess there is a reason by body is rejecting this medication in order for me to
be where I am but boy has it been difficult.
Is it me? Or did turning 60 and now not be flat lined open the flood gates? Has anyone else felt the same at this time in their lives? If so I would love to hear from you and how you handled any of your questions confusions and thoughts?
Thanks for taking the time to read my very first blog. I hope this source of what I call modern day journaling gives me the opportunity to share myself and hear from other women and gain insight, support nd knowledge.
